Monday, June 11, 2012

Happy Birthday, Joan

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Fashion Police on the E channel is a long-overdue program for fashion lovers. It is expertly hosted by Joan Rivers, the comedienne who keeps her panel of fashion judges in laughter from start to finish while on patrol for the Hollywood hot and the not-so.

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The usually acerbic, always witty, perpetually glamourous Joan turned 79—yes, 79—on Friday, June 8. Brilliant, beautiful, stylish and strong, Joan couches her comments with smart and often vulgar witticisms that shock and delight, all while wearing the most stunning fashions, resplendent in feathers and furs and fabulous jewels. This woman really knows how to dress…and how others should dress.

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Joan is at her best, spitting venom at the stars who deserve it, giving praise where praise is due, and making complete sense the entire time. Rivers, a legend in the entertainment industry, seems perfectly engineered for verbal abuse.

On supermodel Heidi Klum: “This dress is busier than Charlie Sheen’s liver.”

On singer Katy Perry: “Katy always wears bright colors so the words bright and Katy can appear together somewhere in print.”

On Zac Effron: “You’re a movie star, pull your pants up. I’ve seen pants worn higher at a prostate exam.”

And although Joan may not receive an Academy Award for being polite, when it comes to fashion this straight-talker is always on cue.

Litterati of the Glitterati

Men Are Stupid…and They Like Big Boobs is Joan’s guide to beauty through plastic surgery, from someone who really knows. Joan readily admits to her multitude of surgeries, and, whirling together funny and fact, her book is filled with valuable info like prices and precautions for countless cosmetic procedures.

We love her candid talk of dermal fillers, laser hair removal, facelifts, boob jobs and everything in between. Do you struggle with hyperpigmentation? Joan clears it up in her section titled Out Damned Spots. The best choice of dermal fillers for vegans? Joan’s got a witty reply for that one too.

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In her usual, yet unusual candor, Ms. Rivers dishes the dirt on cosmetic surgery, as well as a few of life’s dilemmas while she’s at it.

Her new book, I Hate Everyone…Starting With Me, is an engaging, fun little read for those times when you want a booster shot of happiness from a woman whose roots began as a controversial standup comedian 60 years ago.

In the book Joan chronicles a list of things that really work her nerves.

“I hate whistlers,” she writes. “Whistling is not an art form or a music genre, it’s an annoyance. You know the only person who enjoys whistling? The whistler,” she stated.

For some reason, Joan’s thoughts just make me smile.

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Dear Joan, you claim you hate everyone, but we have always loved you unconditionally, and now that you’re almost 80 years old, we consider you an icon for elegant yet hip-to-the-scene aging of mind, body, and spirit. Don’t ever change, baby.

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